Funnily enough, I have always known what I wanted to be. I’ve been telling stories since I was a little girl. Maybe to give you all a laugh, I’ll dig out one of those stories some day. I have always known I wanted to be a writer. But instead I’ve spent most of my adult life trying on one ill-fitting hat to the next, trying to find something that fit. A persona of me that seemed more practical; less head in the clouds than “I want to be a writer.”
As a pre-teen, I flirted briefly with the idea that I could be a swimmer. I loved swimming and I had put in hours honing my skills of being Ariel (look at this stuff …isn’t it neat?). I got this! And then I realized, swimming was lots of hard work. AND I would have to be in a swimsuit. A lot. NEXT.
In my shy, awkward teenage years, there was a fleeting passion to be a model. Sure, I couldn’t talk to people and the idea of being the center of attention had me breaking out in hives. But I was … Tall. So it would work, right? WRONG.
What about college, you ask? Oh, thanks to a rather inflated sense of my own intelligence, I figured hey, I could be a doctor and tackle organic chemistry at 8 am in the morning. And may God have mercy on my soul.
And finally there was the episode: Jennelle Conquers Law School. Although to be fair, on that front, I waited right before the finish line to decide that hat didn’t fit.
And while all this may sounds like Jennelle’s pity party time, I can’t regret any of those hats I tried on, however ill fitting. Because at the end of the day, every experience (both good and baaaaaad) have lead me to this point in my life. Plus, unlike Gwen, I can’t time travel, so it seems the better choice to focus on the positive.
Sometimes it is good to look back and see where you have come from. But it can be dangerous to dwell too much on the past, too much on what ifs. Instead, I have to remind myself to take a deep breath and refocus. To be thankful for what came before, to push back any regrets (why oh why haven’t I written the sequel yet?) and just move on. Hit that reset button.
I can’t change yesterday. I can’t control tomorrow. I only have today.